I got through the first two verses of the song, and I could see how someone could argue that the lyrics promoted domestic violence for both men and women. Maybe "promoted" is the wrong choice of words here. At this point in the song, domestic violence isn't promoted but it's okayed . Take for instance these lines,
"Hi>gh off of love, drunk from my hate,It's like I'm huffing paint and I love it the more I suffer, I suffocate
And right before I'm about to drown, she resuscitates me
She f***ing hates me and I love it.
Wait! Where you going?
"I'm leaving you"
No you ain't. Come back we're running right back.
Here we go again
It's so insane cause when it's going good, it's going great
I'm Superman with the wind at his back, she's Lois Lane"
The speaker appears to love the pain that's killing him because his girl always brings him back to life, and he loves that. Yes they have bad times, but they aren't bad enough to make him forget about the good times. These lines were problematic to me because this is the classic argument of some abused women. They don't want to leave because they keep remembering all of the good times shared with this other person. And at some point in the relationship pain becomes a pleasure.
Then comes the chorus which seems to "okay" these fights, as well, between the speaker and his girlfriend as Rihanna sings,
"Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie"
In essence the chorus says it's ok for the speaker to watch the woman suffer from physical and verbal pain because she actually enjoys it. This is not good. The woman condones the violence because she likes it.
And then comes the third verse, which completely changed my whole perspective of the song. In this verse, the speaker apologizes and recognizes that both of them are at fault:
"Now I know we said things, did things that we didn't mean
And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine
But your temper's just as bad as mine is
You're the same as me
But when it comes to love you're just as blinded"
I didn't really like this at first, because this mode of thinking does exactly what the lyrics say, puts this violent relationship back in a pattern of fight, forgive, fight and forgive, without improvement. So again, the speaker is seeming real apologetic, but then something happens. Towards the end of the verse, the speaker stops addressing his girlfriend and starts to speak as if she's not there. He goes from "I told you this is my fault, look me in the eyeball" to "I apologize even though I know its lies
I'm tired of the games I just want her back." A mental shift occurs. Then he goes into this crazy rant,
"I know I'm a liar/If she ever tries to fucking leave again/Im'a tie her to the bed/ and set this house on fire/I'm just gonna . .
"
To me, by the end of the song, the speaker shows that he's crazy, a certified lunatic if you will, and that he hasn't changed. At this point, the speaker reiterates that no matter how many times an abusive person apologizes, he or she hasn't changed. The bad behaviors are still there.
When the chorus comes back in, it becomes evident to me that Rihanna's voice represents how women lie to themselves to help them believe the lies of an abusive man. And if you keep reading into what is being said, the woman sounds crazy saying "I love the way you lie." Who, in their right mind, loves the way a person lies to them? Nobody, but when a person is in an abusive relationship, that's kinda what they tell themselves. For example, when a man says, "Honey, I'm sorry and I'll never do it again," and a woman believes this, in essence she is saying, "I love the way you lie to me," completely blind to what she's accepting.
Whew! I did all of this off of the lyrics, before I even saw the video. I love this song, but unfortunately, I don't think people are going to listen to the lyrics to understand how deep it is and to understand that neither Eminem nor Rihanna are glorifying domestic violence. And the hook is so catchy that you can sing it without even thinking about what you're saying and convince yourself that lies are good. I mean, it's not the artists' fault that most people don't think, so I don't feel that they should've made their song easier to understand or dumbed it down. Hopefully this song will open up opportunities for people to discuss domestic violence and maybe save someone's life.
It's interesting to see this collaboration between Eminem with his violent past, both lyrically and actually, and Rihanna as a victim of a recent violent relationship.
SN: I like the video. Especially the symbolism of the female playing with fire, but I don't like how the video ends. I like the idea of ending with the house burning and then possibly fade to black versus the couple cuddling. Maybe the video comes full circle, closing the way it opens, to show the cycle perpetuated in these types of relationships. I dunno, but I still appreciate it.
