Growing up, my mom, along with other black people I know, would make this comment after I've been out in the sun for while--meaning I had gotten darker. They would say it as if it was a bad thing to get darker. After hearing this, sometimes I would comment, "Well, I'll get lighter in the winter." Other times, I would rush off to the shower and try to scrub my skin so that the "darkness" would come off. Sadly, sometimes it worked.
Recently, my mom told me that she had told my 6 year old niece, Jaisen, that she was getting darker. Jaisen is fairly light skinned, but not light light (whatever that means, whatever that implies). She boldly responded to my mom with "Good, because I wanna look more like my momma." This comment did so much for me. Has society affected her in a different way so that she doesn't resent the color of her skin? Has having a Black Power, feminist aunt empowered her with a different voice? I was overwhelmed with joy when my mom told me this. I always tell my niece that she is beautiful and that her hair is beautiful. Maybe my work has not been in vain, and there is now one less black child growing up feeling self hate.
I love you Jai.
(By the way, Jaisen is the smartest, realest person I know.)
2 comments:
1 - I know for a fact you've had a positive "black power" effect on Jaisen & everybody. I pick on you about being so militant, but it's a good thing 95% of the time. (Comment this)
Written by: K.B. at 2006/07/08 - 13:50:54
2 - I like your blogs Ronda. They're about interesting matters. When I was younger I always use wonder why I HAD to be black. I was such a silly child. I stayed wondering why I was black and why God made me this way and why did I have to be "dark skin" rather than "light skin". I use to hate it. I really think it was because of all the images I saw around me and even in Africa people use bleaching creams to lighten their complexion which I find completely ridiculous now. When I was in the 10th grade one of my friends said, "The blacker the Beri the sweeter the juice" (And they did not mean that in a sexual way!!! LOL) They were much darker in complexion than I and we were having a conversation about complexion. They told me that they thought our race was VERY beautiful and it's just unfortunate that the majority wants to look like entertainment's definition of beautiful. It was then that I truely admired my ethnicity, my race, my culture, and most importantly myself! Love ya Ronda!!!!
~Your fly 15 (Comment this)
Written by: Beri at 2006/07/14 - 17:21:45
3 - RB, I was just thinking about this the other day and how honestly blessed - and rare - I am to have never wanted to be lighter than I am, because I had positive dark images. It was time for me to date right around the time Wesley Snipes, Taye Diggs and Tyson Beckford blew up, so a brotha was doing alright! LOL!
My mom - who is my complexion - didnt have dolls growing up because there were no black dolls and my grandmother refused to buy her white dolls. Can you imagine that? A girl with no dolls? Your niece has so many more dark images of beauty to look up to than our people - although light skinned black women and white women still dominate magazine covers and tv shows. But yes, society has changed a lot - but GOD knows we have so far to go. (Comment this)
Written by: Gene at 2006/07/14 - 19:35:39
Replies to this comment: 4
4 - 15, I completely understand where you are coming from. And people use bleach cream over here all the time, too. On another note one time I went to my friend's house, who happens to have African relatives. Her relatives were sitting outside when we came up, and one was putting a perm in the other one's hair. I am not anti-perm for Blacks (Ima do a hair post later), but it bothered me that these beautiful African women were straightening their hair with this American perm.
-Gene, its truly a blessing to grow up loving yourself. I think you're right that we have come a long ways, but we have so far to go. "So near, yet so far away . . ." (Comment this)
Written by the blog's author: Summerreign at 2006/07/14 - 21:05:09 in reply to: 3
5 - Dark N Lovely has offices in South Africa and I saw as many women there with relaxers as I did natural hair. The sad thing was that most of them didnt have the resources to keep a relaxer up so after six weeks they honestly looked .... jacked up. They are fed the same self-hate that we are. And no I'm not saying that if your hair is straight that you dont want to be black, but if we deny the connection between relaxers and America's standard of beauty (white women), we're lying to ourselves.
I don't have kids yet (that I know of) but despite my being fine with my dark skin, I must admit that I sometimes worry about my daughter(s) being dark. This is the first time I admited this. Not because I would find them unattractive, but I know it can be hard growing up a dark woman in America. (Comment this)
Written by: Gene at 2006/07/14 - 21:23:42 in reply to: 3
6 - I think we have come a long way in the past few years! Although skin complexion has never been an issue for me mostly due to my parents who have praised me and my siblings skin complexion, I know that many of my friends have always wanted to be lighter. Like I said I know it has a lot to do with my parents who always made sure we saw positive images of black be it a doll, a picture in our room, or on tv. If it ever looked like one of us was going to have a skin complex, mom would sit us infront of a mirror and make us see our own beauty. Outside of our house, I had to deal with friends and relatives who didn't want to go out in the sun and get black. But I think because I was given that foundation, I am proud of what God has made me. So I definately think you have influenced your niece!! Keep up the good work! (Comment this)
Written by: Twilla Tanyi at 2006/07/15 - 15:52:49 in reply to: 3
7 - As your guy friend said about dark & lovely in africa....so so true. I was very surprised to see so many sistas with relaxed hair or weaves in Kenya. Very interesting!
I remember growing up thinking I was greater than great because I was always the lightest person in the crowd YET I was always "crapped" on because I was light. Now, I dont give a darn...I am who I am by the grace of God. I like my color...I like enhancing it in the sun.
Either way...light or dark...straight hair or tight curls...we are still beautiful black women!!! We need to make sure our lil babies know how beautiful they are egardless...interestinly enough I am watching Monique's FAT chance...go, big gurls!!!! lol No matter what color you are, how big or small you are OR whether you have curls or straight hair. Lets celebrate who we are!!!
Luv ya!
K :-) (Comment this)
Written by: Katrina at 2006/07/15 - 22:03:02 in reply to: 3
8 - Ronda, thanks soooo much for this wonderful post. Ironically enough, people always tell me that I'm crazy for being light-skinned and wanting to go out in the sun and tan or get darker. Both of my roommates here consistently said "YOU ARE AFRICAN-AMERICAN" when I would say that I'm going to the pool or doing anything that might mean I would get darker. I just told them that I love being black so much that I want to be darker. Black is beautiful. (Comment this)
Greets to the webmaster of this wonderful site. Keep working. Thank you.
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