Horeyezon

My Near Death Experience With White Water

2011-07-07T08:28:00.000-07:00

I'm glad I'm saved and I'm glad I'm a praying woman.

Last week I went white water rafting for the first time. It was a part of my NCCAT experience with my Kenan Fellowship. If you really know me, you know that I've almost drowned 2 times (kinda 3 if I count Cali but that's another story) and you know I have issues with water because of this and that's why it took me 3 hours to pass the swim test at UNC just so that I could graduate.

Back to last week. I really wanted to enjoy this experience because I knew that I probably wouldn't do this again. So when we were given the option to go with the "timid" group or the "adventurous" group, I chose adventurous (in hindsight I should've asked for a working definition of "adventurous"). Before I stepped foot on the raft, I had already said about three prayers. I was prayed up and ready to go.

When we got ready to get in the raft, me and another fellow looked around to see who was going to ride in the front. Since no one else wanted to be up there, Stephanie and I decided we'd do it. So we're going down Nantahala River. The water was very cold, about 52 degrees. The air was cool due to the shade from all from all of the flora;) The river had a few calm, slow paced spots. But every once-in-a-while, the speed would increase and the waters would get rough. The cold water would splash against us and send sharp chills over our bodies when we'd dip or when the instructor would have us spin or bump up against a rock. Felt like an adventure to me!

Well, our instructor spotted a huge, pointy rock that jutted about 6ft out of the water. It wasn't straight up and down; it was more like an incline. She said, "I've never tried this rock before." And she added something like, "We're going to today." Stephanie and I looked at each other like, "Really?!? We don't need to be trying nothing new." We rowed towards this miniature mountain, and the instructor yelled, "Lean in." That's what you're supposed to do to keep from being tossed out. As we hit the rock, Stephanie and I leaned in, but because of how we hit, the left side of the raft turned upward and the impact tossed both me and Stephanie into the air, knocking us both into the river.

I remembered going into the water. I started flailing my arms upwards. My hands walked the bottom of raft and I realized three things: I'm trapped under water underneath this raft, I just had a baby, and I'm about to drown because they aren't going to see me. I remembered trying to move my hands so that I could find the edge of the raft and come up for air. Finally I reached a rope that ran alongside the raft and I pulled myself up with one hand. I heard people shouting, "Swim!" Someone in the raft, Carrie, grabbed me but I kept feeling myself being sucked back into the water (mind you the river current is still forcing us down the river). Carrie said she was trying to reach her oar to me but that I was still holding onto mine (which I didn't remember). Carrie threw down hers and then took my oar from my hand. She then attempted to pull me up by my life jacket. She was pulling hard but I wasn't coming out of the water. "Grab her!" I heard someone shout. I yelled, "I'm not in. Don't let me go!" Then our instructor shouted, "Kick your legs!!" I started kicking and Carrie miraculously pulled me out of the water by the shoulders of my life jacket. Later Carrie said that I should've seen the look of terror on my face. I thought, I knew my face was looking crazy because I thought I was going to drown!

Once I was in the raft, I was facing the opposite direction of everyone else. I started looking around for Stephanie and I noticed she wasn't in there (mind you I'm disoriented at this time). I turned my head from side to side asking, "Where's Stephanie!?! Where's Stephanie!?!" They told me she was rescued by another raft. Then I looked back and saw my crazy instructor. Why did she say, "That's why you're supposed to lean in!" I almost cussed her out! I'm bout to drown because you had us doing a trick that you never tried before against this dag'um mountain and you gone blame me, the English teacher who's rafting for the first time in her life? Really!?!" I had to spin around to face the front before I capsized the whole raft trying to get to her. Then I thought, "This is

why black people don't go rafting!"

A few minutes later we pulled over and got out of the raft for lunch. One of the fellows who was in the raft behind us told me that her instructor knew what was about to happen to us. He said something to the extent of, "She (the instructor) is doing that wrong. The two in the front are going to end up in the water." And low and behold we did.

I'm so thankful I said my prayers before I got in that water. It was the grace of God that pried me from the death grip of the Nantahola River. I will never go rafting again! I don't like adventures that much. Now, I did enjoy the experience and there was some amazing scenery, but I'm good.

Teaching Inference

2011-04-18T05:44:00.000-07:00

Last night while reading Zion his bedtime stories, I had an epiphany for a lesson on how to teach inference. We were reading "Good Night, Gorilla" by Peggy Rathmann, which is similar to "Goodnight Moon." At any rate, some of the pages didn't have words (well I think I can write a children's book!), so I started making up things to say. For example, the zookeeper husband didn't know the animals were out and had followed him home, right into his bedroom. The wife had to get up while the husband was asleep and walk the animals back to the zoo. As she's walking, her head and shoulders were drooping, and all the animals were in single file trudging along right behind her. There were no words on this page. So I said, "He always do this. Why do I have to be the one to take these animals back? How many times have I told him to check his keys because that gorilla is sneaky?!?" In the book, the gorilla steals the zookeeper husband's keys and lets out the animals after he passes telling them, "Good night."

Once we finished reading, the idea came to me that this would be a great activity to help students develop their inference skills. I could give them a picture from a children's book or any picture without words and tell them to create the story using what they see. It would be interesting to hear what the students come up with.

I'm sure this idea isn't new, but I've never tried it before and my students always struggle with making inferences.

I'll try this next year and report back on how well it goes.

Looking for a new doctor's office?

2011-03-15T17:11:00.000-07:00

Avalon Internal Medicine
Board Certified Internal Medicine

Proudly welcomes April Denning, PA-C

Cecilia McKay, MD

April Denning, PA-C

Willowcrest Building
101 Conner Drive, Ste 402 Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919-928-1146
www.avalonmedicalgroup.org
Open Mon-Fri 8:00am-5:00pm Same Day Appointments Available
New Patients Welcome Most Insurances Accepted
Convenient, Comprehensive and Compassionate Care

My Thank You Card

2011-03-09T20:59:00.000-08:00

Check out my Shutterfly Thank You card.

Street Car Fun Thank You 3x5 folded card

Thank you and personalized Valentine's Day cards by Shutterfly.

View the entire collection of cards.

Me Geeking Over a Student Response

2010-10-09T09:48:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting in my kitchen, this beautiful Saturday morning, grading tests. After grading a few and feeling disappointed, I came across one that made me stop and create this post. This 9th grade student had a very good answer to one of the questions.

Here is the short answer question: Pick a symbol to represent Claudia from The Bluest Eye, and explain how she and the object you've chosen are similar.

Here is my student's response: I feel that Claudia is like cheap bleach. I say that because if you ever use cheap bleach on white clothes, which is like giving Claudia that white baby doll, she would destroy the baby doll, just like bleach would destroy your clothes.

After reading so many responses that just missed the mark, this was a breath of fresh air and gave me the energy to grade a few more tests before taking a break.

"Love the Way You Lie"

2010-08-16T03:44:00.000-07:00

At first I didn't think I was going to like Eminem and Rhianna's new song "Love the Way You Lie." I had read CNN's article "Eminem and Rihanna's New Video: Is Domestic Violence "The New Normal?", in which Carol Castello criticizes Rihanna for being a part of a video with lyrics that critics say "are violent and offensive to women?" I must admit, at first, I was a lil disappointed in Ri-Ri. But unlike most people, I don't believe everything I read, so I decided to read the lyrics first and then watch the video to make my own judgment.

I got through the first two verses of the song, and I could see how someone could argue that the lyrics promoted domestic violence for both men and women. Maybe "promoted" is the wrong choice of words here. At this point in the song, domestic violence isn't promoted but it's okayed . Take for instance these lines,
"Hi>gh off of love, drunk from my hate,
It's like I'm huffing paint and I love it the more I suffer, I suffocate
And right before I'm about to drown, she resuscitates me
She f***ing hates me and I love it.
Wait! Where you going?
"I'm leaving you"
No you ain't. Come back we're running right back.
Here we go again
It's so insane cause when it's going good, it's going great
I'm Superman with the wind at his back, she's Lois Lane"

The speaker appears to love the pain that's killing him because his girl always brings him back to life, and he loves that. Yes they have bad times, but they aren't bad enough to make him forget about the good times. These lines were problematic to me because this is the classic argument of some abused women. They don't want to leave because they keep remembering all of the good times shared with this other person. And at some point in the relationship pain becomes a pleasure.

Then comes the chorus which seems to "okay" these fights, as well, between the speaker and his girlfriend as Rihanna sings,

"Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie"

In essence the chorus says it's ok for the speaker to watch the woman suffer from physical and verbal pain because she actually enjoys it. This is not good. The woman condones the violence because she likes it.

And then comes the third verse, which completely changed my whole perspective of the song. In this verse, the speaker apologizes and recognizes that both of them are at fault:
"Now I know we said things, did things that we didn't mean
And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine
But your temper's just as bad as mine is
You're the same as me
But when it comes to love you're just as blinded"

I didn't really like this at first, because this mode of thinking does exactly what the lyrics say, puts this violent relationship back in a pattern of fight, forgive, fight and forgive, without improvement. So again, the speaker is seeming real apologetic, but then something happens. Towards the end of the verse, the speaker stops addressing his girlfriend and starts to speak as if she's not there. He goes from "I told you this is my fault, look me in the eyeball" to "I apologize even though I know its lies
I'm tired of the games I just want her back." A mental shift occurs. Then he goes into this crazy rant,
"I know I'm a liar/If she ever tries to fucking leave again/Im'a tie her to the bed/ and set this house on fire/I'm just gonna . .

"

To me, by the end of the song, the speaker shows that he's crazy, a certified lunatic if you will, and that he hasn't changed. At this point, the speaker reiterates that no matter how many times an abusive person apologizes, he or she hasn't changed. The bad behaviors are still there.

When the chorus comes back in, it becomes evident to me that Rihanna's voice represents how women lie to themselves to help them believe the lies of an abusive man. And if you keep reading into what is being said, the woman sounds crazy saying "I love the way you lie." Who, in their right mind, loves the way a person lies to them? Nobody, but when a person is in an abusive relationship, that's kinda what they tell themselves. For example, when a man says, "Honey, I'm sorry and I'll never do it again," and a woman believes this, in essence she is saying, "I love the way you lie to me," completely blind to what she's accepting.

Whew! I did all of this off of the lyrics, before I even saw the video. I love this song, but unfortunately, I don't think people are going to listen to the lyrics to understand how deep it is and to understand that neither Eminem nor Rihanna are glorifying domestic violence. And the hook is so catchy that you can sing it without even thinking about what you're saying and convince yourself that lies are good. I mean, it's not the artists' fault that most people don't think, so I don't feel that they should've made their song easier to understand or dumbed it down. Hopefully this song will open up opportunities for people to discuss domestic violence and maybe save someone's life.

It's interesting to see this collaboration between Eminem with his violent past, both lyrically and actually, and Rihanna as a victim of a recent violent relationship.

SN: I like the video. Especially the symbolism of the female playing with fire, but I don't like how the video ends. I like the idea of ending with the house burning and then possibly fade to black versus the couple cuddling. Maybe the video comes full circle, closing the way it opens, to show the cycle perpetuated in these types of relationships. I dunno, but I still appreciate it.

On Second Thought . . .

2010-07-20T14:15:00.000-07:00

Earlier I published a post titled "Wake County Protesters, You Picked the Wrong Battle." I criticized the NAACP and other community leaders for protesting against the end of the diversity policy in Wake County schools. It was hard for me to be up in arms about what's going on in Wake when I've taught in a racially segregated school for the past 5 years. I found it to be a little hypocritical for me to be upset.

But on second thought, what's going on in Wake is a tragedy. Anytime you blatantly say you want to end a diversity policy--not make revisions, adjustments, nor improvements--but end it, it looks really bad and racist. If the diversity policy is taken away, it will create schools for the haves and the have nots. It will create difficult learning environments for the have nots because more complex social issues will be overly represented, teacher turn-over rates will probably be higher, and the current academic progress will probably take a turn for the worse.

However, I do think changes need to be made to the diversity policy; some of the opposers' arguments are valid. The hour long bus rides and the constant switching of schools to balance the population are two of the biggest issues that I hear the most. I live in Southeast Raleigh, and the students who live in my neighborhood are supposed to attend Apex High School. They have to ride past Southeast East Raleigh HS, which is walking distance from us, everyday to head to Apex. I guess diversity comes with a cost.

All in all, taking away the integration plan is going backwards rather than forwards. The benefits of the policy do outweigh the costs. C'mon Wake County. I really need you to get it together.

As Easy As Riding a Bike!?!

2010-06-28T17:39:00.001-07:00

When's the last time you rode a bike? Was it easy? OMG I rode my bike one day last summer, trying to get my Lance Armstrong on, and my buttocks was sore for a week. It felt like I had bruised something. It hurt so bad I had to wait a week to ride again.

I figured I needed a new bike seat, but I didn't want to buy one. So I rigged my seat with a hand towel and scotch tape (I couldn't find the electrical tape). This worked temporarily; however, it was very uncomfortable.

I did a lil research and invested in this wide gel cushioned seat. It made a huge difference! But--there was still some soreness.

Just this past weekend, KB and I went to ride bikes and while I was riding, I was very comfortable, but the next day, I had mild soreness. Riding a bike isn't supposed to hurt. I don't remember pain in my childhood memories of riding up and down my dirt road.

On my way home today, I stopped by REI, an outdoor sports store, and looked for padded biker shorts. I had heard about them from somebody. These shorts have gel cushioned pads in the seat of the shorts. When I tried them on, they felt extremely awkward, but I was determined to ride my bike pain free.

Well, I just got in from a two mile ride and it was great!! Zero discomfort and I don't anticipate being sore tomorrow.

One New Post Once a Week

2010-06-17T05:39:00.001-07:00

My goal, starting today, is to write at least one new post per week. Every year I slack off once school gets started and then pick up over the summer. But, if I start a once-a-week routine, maybe I can keep it during the school year--we'll see.

Wake County Protesters-You've Picked the Wrong Battle

2010-06-17T04:14:00.000-07:00

Two days ago, a member of the NAACP and 3 community supporters were arrested at a school board meeting in Wake County for taking more than their allotted time during a peaceful protest. While I appreciate their efforts, I believe there's something bigger that they need to be protesting!

I'm not sure if you've been paying attention, but the Wake County Board of Education is making national headlines. For those that don't know, the Wake school board has voted to end its busing policy which attempts to integrate and diversify schools using income. No school should have more than 40% with free or reduced lunch (even though there are a few schools which are out of compliance).

I believe in the need for diversity (even though I’m not a fan of Brown vs. Board or its implementation): economic, political, racial, religious, etc. But in reference to our current educational status, I feel the most pressing issue is quality of education, not diversity. Regardless of where the students attend school and who is sitting next to them, the students deserve an equal opportunity to receive a sound basic education.

For the record, look at Wake’s high schools’ current EOC scores (click on a high school, look to the right hand column, click on 2008-2009 NC School Report Cards, click on High Student Performance tab, and scroll down to Performance of Each Student Group on the ABCs End-of-Course Tests). There is a huge gap in performance between white students and minorities at almost every high school. Now, there has been growth over the past few years, but there is still a sizeable difference in performance (I don’t believe that test scores are the end-all-be-all to student performance, but I’ll use this data for the sake of making my argument). These numbers come after 10 years of this busing policy.

With the current busing system, something I’d like to know is what percentage of minority students are enrolled in the honors, AP/IB courses? Once students enter these somewhat diverse schools, how diverse are the classrooms? How diverse is the selection of authors and books chosen to be read? How diverse are the teaching methods used to deliver instruction?

While voting to end the diversity policy in favor of having community based, racially homogenized schools is blatantly racist to me (which is why I believe we didn’t get the race to the top funding), the bigger issue is this: Are our students learning regardless of where they attend?

So, I challenge the NAACP president, William Barber, along with all of the community supporters, to turn their attention to the numbers, to the curriculum, to the quality of education our students are receiving. Get arrested because the minority students aren’t learning like their white counterparts.

AMENds in 2010!

2009-12-31T09:24:00.000-08:00

Sometimes the present is a gift I wish I could return,

But God gifts us lessons that we need to learn--

We earn or we should at least--

Our lives are on lease.

Everything that happens to us happens for a reason.

We come in and out of different seasons.

At times it’s the result of our own bad decisions.

We forget the earlier lessons taught

And get caught by a foot fault,

Stepping on lines and having to pay heavy fines,

But it’s okay because my life is Purposed by His Design!

Even the things that occur that are out of my control

I rest assured because He’s in control.

Parts of me are dying everyday

Just to be Reborn in God’s way.

The past isn’t meant to be left behind-

’08 will forever resonate in my mind.

In ’09 I lost a life line.

But He gives me hope in tomorrow and

His presence is my present--for today is a gift.

God loves me more than any friend

And promises to make Amends in 20-10!

Nation's Capital, Here We Come!

2009-12-17T18:45:00.000-08:00

Our women's basketball team is invited to play in the Inaugural National Title IX Holiday Conference (NTHICC) in the nation's capital. We were chosen as one of eight teams nationally because our basketball program places a strong emphasis on STUDENT athlete. While in DC, we'll get a tour of the White House, and supposedly tournament hosts are trying to get First Lady Michelle Obama to be one of the guest speakers. I hope it works out. Either way, when we get to the White House, I'm taking about ten copies of my resume and accidentally leaving them all over the place.

In Constant Battle With Yourself

2009-12-13T10:40:00.000-08:00

Regardless of a person's level of intelligence, wealth, or age, we all struggle with decision making. Why is it so hard to make the right choice at all times? Sometimes I feel as if I'm having an out of body experience. I look back at a situation and find myself saying, "Did I really just do that?" or "I can't believe I just said that! What in the world was I thinking?" It's as if it wasn't even me talking or carrying out that particular action; it was somebody else.

Sometimes it seems as if we're in a constant battle against ourselves for the control of our own mind. It's as if our real self takes a nap, only to wake up right after that other self has made a stupid decision. Now the real self has to suffer the consequences. And then we're left thinking, "What in the hell just happened?!?" (see Tiger Woods, Mark Sanford, Kanye West)

Unfortunately, this "coma-like" state can last for weeks, months, even years for some people, before they come back to their senses. By that time, they may have lived a life that they never intended.

As a child many of our mishaps are chalked up to being young or inexperienced, but what's the excuse when we grow up and become adults? What is it that causes these laps in judgement? What is it that makes people wander about in a conscious yet unconscious state of mind? If you know someone who is currently living with this state of mind, what can you do to help them to come back to reality to see again? How can we counteract moments of blindness to prevent decisions that can negatively affect us forever?

Insert Foot in Mouth

2009-12-04T19:05:00.000-08:00

Most of my friends and family know me to be quite the comedian. I love to make people laugh and smile. However, sometimes I pick the wrong time to be funny.

Case in point-yesterday in class one of my students was selling snacks out of his book bag. I have gotten on to him several times, even confiscated the goods a few, for doing this during my class/at school.

I said," Shawn**, I'ma start calling you hustle man. You always trying to sell something!"

He replied, "I like that name. I know somebody else by that name who stands on the corner." Another student decided to chime in and said, "I know that dude too! Is he light skin with curly hair?"

Now it just so happens that this young man has light skin and curly hair, so he was setting his self up, in my book. Therefore me and my quick wit self replied in a joking manner, "Oh, so that's yo daddy?!?"

Erebody in the class started laughing. The students started saying, "Oooooooo! Ms. B just slayed you!" and "Ms. B. killing today!" I mean it was funny, but I felt really bad. The student looked extremely embarrassed and appeared to be concocting a come back. I needed class to proceed because we had just started. So I immediately started talking, pleading while he seemed to be gathering his thoughts , "I'm sorry, so sorry. Thank you Pete** for being the bigger person and not responding. You're better than me. I'm being mean today. Thanks for not slaying me back." He looked like he wanted to say something so bad, but he didn't. I was proud of him. And class moved on.

Ironically, I had a conference with his aunt that afternoon. So I'm at the conference trying to discuss a success plan for him, and she tells us that Pete's mother died when he was younger and that he had been staying with his grandmother. Now she, the aunt was his caregiver. No mention of his father.

Felt real bad after hearing this. The joke in and of itself wasn't that bad, but now knowing what he's been through, it just wasn't a good idea. So today when he came to class, I pulled him outside and we had a talk about how I wanted him to be successful and what it would take for him to pass my class. I asked him for his goals in life and he said he didn't have any. Monday he's supposed to give me one short term goal and one long term goal.

I can't take back the comment I made in jest, but I can help him move forward in a positive direction.

**Names changed

Out of Academic Shape

2009-09-05T10:55:00.000-07:00

Within the 90 min block, I plan several different activities so that we don't spend too much time doing one thing, which helps diverse learners and keeps their attention longer. Time also goes faster when you stay busy. But in order to be able to complete all of the assignments, one has to be "in shape," ready to handle the academic, mental workout. I had never thought about this before, until this past Friday.

This past Friday, my second period started complaining about doing work. It wasn't everybody, just a few. Every once in a while, my students would say, "Can we just have free time?" or "Do we have to do this?" My normal response to this type of questioning is, "I'm sorry yall. I didn't mean to make you do work. My bad. I thought this was school!" Most of the time they start laughing, remember "Oh yeah. This is school," and then get back to work.

However, on this day, a light bulb went off for me: my sophomore students are out of shape--not physical shape, but academic. Some students are not used to working for 90 mins and become agitated and ill when asked to do so. It's just like an athlete at basketball practice ( I love sports analogies). When a ball player is out of shape, the last thing she wants to do is run sprints or suicides. She may whine,complain, or become attitudinal about having to run because she is already tired. But the only way to get better at it is to practice, and we all know how some athletes feel about practice: "This is practice . . . not a game--practice!" ~Allen Iverson.

Well the same thing goes for a student. Learning is tiring. It's physical and mental work. So the next time my students complain about doing work, I'm not going to think that they are just being lazy or unmotivated. I'm going to chalk it up to them being out of shape, and needing a little more encouragement to keep going--learning.

Getting "In the Way" of The Truth

2009-08-26T18:13:00.000-07:00

A couple of months ago I read a Daily Bread devotional entitled "Getting 'In the Way.'" Looking at the title, I thought it was possibly going to be about things that get in the way of us serving God. But, it was about God being the way and if you are to follow Him, then you are in the way. I thought the title and message were very deep.

I also liked the scripture reading, John 14:1-6. Verse six really stood out to me: "I am the way and the truth and the life." The Truth. God is The Truth. I've read that before, but this time it really stood out to me.

This year I'm recommitting myself to The Truth, living it, loving it, and speaking it. I wanted something to remind me to live in The Truth everyday. So I came up with the idea of a Truth ring. I bought a sterling silver ring and had "The Truth" etched into it. I wear it everyday as a reminder to get "in the way."

God Bless!

Let's Get, Get, Get it!!

2009-08-16T12:56:00.000-07:00

Wow!! Summer break is over and I can hardly believe we're starting a new school year. Unlike the last few years, I am ready to return to teaching. I really can't put my finger on it, but something in my spirit is telling me that this is going to be my school's defining year. We are going to be doing Big Thangs!! I just can't contain my excitement.

At the same time, however, it's kinda scary. It's like starting a new relationship--feeling like this could work out, but having second thoughts because you don't want to be hurt again. Have you ever been there before? You're a little hesitant to enjoy the moment or to have high expectations because, emotionally, you just can't afford another let down, another heartbreak.

At any rate, I'm going to lower my guard and not allow those negative thoughts to keep me from enjoying this feeling while it lasts. I'm committed to making my 5th year my best year.

GO HORNETS!!!

What's worse, lying to others or lying to yourself?

2009-07-19T15:59:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton. Towards the end, the main character, Ponyboy, lies to himself to avoid the truth of a very tragic situation. He believes himself on the surface; however, subconsciously he knows what really happened. Ponyboy carries on with his family as if his lies are reality, until his eventual awakening at the very end.

This book got me to thinking in a broader sense. What's worse, lying to others or lying to yourself? Does it make it worser (I know, not a real word) when you believe your own lies? I'm curious to know what you think.

Men, if you're thinking about attacking a female today, don't!

2009-07-17T05:27:00.000-07:00

So I've had a few random moments that have produced a few random thoughts. I'll start with the random moments first.

I like to run outside. I wouldn't mind going to a park in Raleigh to run, but I can't get my mother out of my head telling me not to go by myself. She watches a lot of news and is always hearing about Raleigh joggers being assaulted.

Then I thought, maybe I could find an indoor track. That would be better for me and my knees anyways. But then my mom warns, "Don't go to a gym by yourself, especially at night!" I am the type of person that if I want to do something, I'm going to do it. And it really bothers me to be told to take someone with me, like I'm a kid.

But during college, I realized that everything my mom told me was true. So nowadays, I try to follow the advice that she gives. I should be able to go wherever I want, whenever I want, but the reality is, sometimes it's just not a good idea.

Second random moment. I had to go pick up my dog from the vet. I was a little early so I decided to go the Food Lion next door to kill some time. This Food Lion was the kind that looks dark even in the day light. Have you ever been to one of those? There were some suspect people just hanging around. I felt like maybe I shouldn't be going here by myself. Paranoid? Maybe.

And that's when it hit me. What if, instead of telling women to not go places by themselves either at night, while jogging, etc, that we tell men to not attack, harass, kidnap women. That's the real issue. Seriously. I get so tired of news broadcasters and everyone else vehemently encouraging women to take a friend with them when they jog or do xyz. Women jogging alone, going to the grocery store at night, or making a late run to Walmart is not the problem. Let's not blame the victim. The real problem is male attackers (notice I said male attackers, not males in general).

As a society, I feel we focus too much on making women cautious, scared, and dependent. Again, WE are not the problem. Doing something alone shouldn't constitute telling a woman, "She should have known better."

I wish there was a concerted effort in school and throughout the media to teach males, young and old, how to treat a woman, how to not use force to take what they want, how to let a woman walk past you and not feel obliged to make a snide remark--something to combat this current misogynistic world that we live in (I know women could use an etiquette class as well, but this post isn't about us).

If telling women on the news broadcast to not do things alone or at night, is supposed to curtail these habits, why not add an additional statement: Ladies remember, it's not safe to run alone in the park. And men, if you're thinking about attacking a female today, please don't.

What's the harm in that? Why does that statement sound so weird? Why can't we say that?

Shakespeare Worse Than Rap?

2009-04-10T19:48:00.000-07:00

Every year as a 9th grade English teacher, I have to teach Romeo and Juliet. Each time I teach it, I get a little more peeved at the way women are portrayed. This has led me to believe that the misogyny in R&J deserves just as much criticism as rap lyrics.
To start off, in Act I, scene i, two Capulet servants are going back and forth cracking jokes about the Montagues and making a pun of the word “maidenhead.” Sampson mocks, “'Tis true, and therefore women, being the weaker vessels, /are ever thrust to the wall; therefore I will push /Montague's men from the wall, and thrust his maids to the wall . . . Tis all one, I will show myself a tyrant: when I /have fought with the men, I will be civil with the maids, and cut off their heads . . . Ay, the heads of the maids, or their maidenheads; / take it in what sense thou wilt.” Basically Sampson argues that because women are weaker than men, once he finishes fighting the Montagues, he will rape their women. This interchange was meant to be funny; however, I haven’t laughed yet.
In addition, throughout the play, Shakespeare throws in these underhanded comments about women. Romeo blames Juliet’s love for making him “effeminate” when he couldn’t stand up to Tybalt’s challenge. His lack of a will to fight caused the death of Mercutio, one of his close friends. The implication here is that a woman’s love takes away one’s manhood. Later on, Friar Lawrence describes Romeo’s emo breakdown as acting like a woman. At the time, Romeo was going on and on about how being banished from Verona was more like a death sentence because he wouldn’t be near Juliet. He starts wailing about how he would rather die than live without her. So Friar tells him, “Hold thy desperate hand:/Art thou a man? thy form cries out thou art:/Thy tears are womanish; thy wild acts denote /The unreasonable fury of a beast:/Unseemly woman in a seeming man!” So women are just a ball of uncontrollable, irrational emotions? I’m glad Shakespeare told me because I didn’t know before.
On top of all this, Shakespeare further aggravates me in Act IV when Juliet runs to Friar for help after finding out her father has arranged for her to marry Paris. Friar concocts this plan in which Juliet has to drink a potion that will make her appear dead for 42 hours. Mind you, this is the 16th century; who wouldn’t be scared to take some herb mixed potion that will make you “die?” But good ole Friar reassures Juliet when he tells her, “And this shall free thee from this present shame;/If no inconstant toy, nor womanish fear,/Abate thy valour in the acting it.” Or in other words, as long as you don’t get all scary like a little "girl," my crazy plan might just work.
Others might argue that R&J is reflective of the time period in which Shakespeare was writing, but if that works for him then it should work for any rapper. Today’s time period is just as patriarchal, misogynistic as any other. And I don’t think we should let Shakespeare off the hook.

STUDENT Athletes! Go Hornets:0)

2009-02-28T14:58:00.000-08:00

Click Here.

Teachers Taking Guns to School

2008-08-16T05:53:00.000-07:00

Why is a school district in Texas allowing its teachers and staff members to carry concealed firearms on campus? See below:

Texas district will let teachers carry guns

A tiny Texas school district will allow teachers and staff members to carry concealed firearms to protect against school shootings, provided the gun-toting employees follow certain requirements.

The small community of Harrold in north Texas is a 30-minute drive from the Wilbarger County Sheriff's Office, leaving students and teachers without protection, said David Thweatt, superintendent of the Harrold Independent School District. The lone campus of the 110-student district sits near a heavily traveled highway, which could make it a target, he argued.

"When the federal government started making schools gun-free zones, that's when all of these shootings started. Why would you put it out there that a group of people can't defend themselves? That's like saying 'sic 'em' to a dog," Thweatt said in a story published Friday on the Fort Worth Star-Telegram's Web site.

Barbara Williams, a spokeswoman for the Texas Association of School Boards, said her organization did not know of another district with such a policy. Ken Trump, a Cleveland, Ohio-based school security expert who advises districts nationwide, said Harrold is the first district with such a policy.

Trustees approved the policy change last year, and it takes effect when classes begin this month. For employees to carry a pistol, they must have a Texas license to carry a concealed handgun, must be authorized to carry by the district, must receive training in crisis management and hostile situations and must use ammunition designed to minimize the risk of ricocheting bullets.

Officials researched the policy and considered other options for about a year before approving the policy change, Thweatt said. The district also has other measures in place to prevent a school shooting, he said.

"The naysayers think [a shooting] won't happen here. If something were to happen here, I'd much rather be calling a parent to tell them that their child is OK because we were able to protect them," Thweatt said.

Texas law outlaws firearms at schools unless specific institutions allow them.

It isn't clear how many of the 50 or so teachers and staff members will be armed this fall, because Thweatt did not disclose that information, to keep it from students or potential attackers.

The school district, not a single school but the district, only has 110 students and 50 teachers. Can they not afford a school resource officer? How is allowing teachers to carry weapons going to help keep the school safe? Maybe I'm wrong. Someone enlighten me please.

Questions about depression

2008-08-14T18:14:00.000-07:00

Why is it that we are conditioned to believe that when we're depressed, we should drink, smoke, have irresponsible sex, or over/under eat? What would happen if we were convinced to workout, to complete an act of community service, or to read a book when we're depressed? How would the world be different? How would people's lives be different? Just something to think about.

Just a lil disappointed . . .

2008-08-14T18:11:00.001-07:00

. . . in myself. Normally I use the summer time to write multiple posts, but uh rah, this time I wasn't so productive. I have one weekday left before I have to be back at school and I just don't see myself having a marathon blog moment. I guess this means I will try to write more during the school year. We'll see.

Should undocumented immigrant workers be allowed to attend NC's community colleges?

2008-06-22T16:27:00.000-07:00

I have been on both sides of the fence with this issue. I'm waiting for someone to convince me in a way that I have no doubt as to how I should feel about illegal immigrants receiving higher education in NC. If you have an opinion on this issue, please post it, along with elaboration and support (logical or emotional appeals), explaining why you feel the way you do. I'm very interested to know what others think. I am including two articles (here and here) from the News&Observer, which have provided some insight. Feel free to post other articles.

Dig a Hole, Bury Yourself!

2008-04-29T11:10:00.000-07:00

Interesting PSA by E. Taylor:

In the wake of the May 6, North Carolina Democratic State Primary, I figured I would do my due diligence to persuade voters to vote for whom I consider the most viable candidate to preside over our country. This is especially targeted to the African American community. To preface this story, I must first describe my political background or lack thereof.

Growing up in the rural south, I never knew much about politics at all. I will lay my ignorance at the hand of my surroundings and my family. The extent of my political knowledge was of the two political parties, Democrats and Republicans, and the roles I assumed they played in the country. Hearing my family converse, I always assumed the Republicans were evil and racist, and the Democrats were good and pro-black. While this may not be far off from the truth, this generalization is a one of ignorance at best. I can remember my mother explained the reason she did not vote was that she did not want jury duty or she believed her vote did not count. This sentiment, I feel, is shared among many African Americans in the south, keeping them away from the polls. A sentiment which is unacceptable and should be frowned upon.

Recently I have done my best to get more involved in politics and become more aware of how the country I live in is being governed. When I heard Senator Barack Obama was a candidate for the Democratic Party's nomination in the 2008 U.S. presidential election, I instantly became interested in the race. I honestly had little prior knowledge about the senator, but the possiblity of having an African American run the country was a great feeling. Barack instantly had my vote on the basis of being a black man. Was basing my vote solely on the race of a candidate valid? Probably not, but upon further investigation by way of reading ariticles, listening to debates, and watching tv shows that analyze the politcial candidates and their idealogies, I realized my vote was well placed.

Recently in an interview with rapper The Game, he made the comment and I quote,
“If you Black and you don’t vote for Obama you just need to find a revolver spin that bitch and pop ‘til your noodles’ on the fukkin side of the bed man. That’s just a no brainer man.” I hate to admit it, but I will have to side with a rapper for once in my life. The statement could have been said much more intelligently; however, whether you take this argument figuratively or literally, I feel that it does have some validity.
Black leaders in the United States, from the days of slavery, until the Civil Rights era, have fought for African Americans and other minorities to be on an even playing ground with the rest of America. Within those battles, every citizen earned the right to vote for whomever they so choose. I do not want to condemn anyone or make them feel they can not freely choose who they want to run for president, but merely show you the opportunity you have to make history and put the first black male in the white house. I believe if we do not embark on this wonderful opportunity in front of us, we will not have another black person that will be able to contend for the position of Commander in Chief for another 50 years. Do not let this black leader, one who stands for CHANGE and making a better America, pass us by. If you do, maybe you should dig a hole, bury yourself!

Timbaland and One Republic Were Wrong . . .

2008-03-31T12:22:00.000-07:00

. . . It's never too late to Apologize.

Today I'm just lounging around the house and I decided to check my school email. In my inbox I have a new message with the subject "Renae Brown" (changed the name). I'm thinking, "What in the world?" Renae used to be one of my friends in high school. We used to ride to school together and hang out with my older sister on the weekends. She came to my house I went to hers. We played sports together our whole life. Then, my junior year, her senior year, she started calling my boyfriend trying to holla at him. And she would talk junk to him about me, my sister, and brother. She even talked about my parents, who were going through a divorce. Real grimy right? So when I found out, I got real mad. I told my mom I was gonna tell her off at school. Ma told me that I betta not get into a fight at school over something stupid. Well first of all, I was not about to fight nobody (I only hit people who are related to me). Second of all, I know better.

I waited till volleyball practice to tell her off. Our team had talked about how we should talk and not hold things in because they would affect the team. So I made everybody sit in circle. I reminded them of how we said we should talk about things to help the team out. Well, I went into this tyriad about how Renae had been talking about me and my family, trying to steal my boyfriend, about how I never asked her or anybody else to be my friend, and blah blah blah. I told them that for the sake of the team, I will be cooperative on the court, but once games and practice were over, I didn't want nothing to do with her.

Ok so it was a little more dramatic than this 5 minute effort to transribe the conversation. The team was shocked and she was too. She didn't say one word. Then I was like, "Iight. Let's practice." I was the main setter and she was our main hitter. I don't think we won a game after that.

So all of this is running through my mind when I see the subject. I've seen her at least twice since she graduated but I haven't spoken to her in about 10 years. I opened the email, and read the message. She was apologizing for what had happened in high school. It was very sincere. She said that she wasn't sick or dying, but that she was growing closer to Jesus Christ, and as a worshiper, she knew that she needed to right her wrongs in order to better serve Him and in order to receive what He had instore for her.

Wow!! That was my first reaction. It takes a lot of courage/faith to do that. I had never forgotten about that incident, but I didn't hold a grudge against her either. I was glad to hear that God was working through her. Its always a blessing to know that people are trying to live better.

I made a nice reply thanking her for the apology. I hope the best for her and her family.

As Easy as Making a Baby!?!

2008-03-05T17:21:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I've written. Please bear with the long post.

A couple of months ago I watched this special on MTV (I think it was MTV) about people trying to find one of their parents. It was about 5 adults, who were 18 and over, trying to find a parent who abandoned them. MTV helped this process by using research, clues, eye witnesses, etc to help them track their parents. It was a very emotional roller coaster ride for these people who were searching for a parent that they had never met or who they partially knew. I found myself on the brink of tears, empathizing with their stories. And I thought, creating a child can be one of the most thoughtless acts ever. I find it so disappointing, but not unrealistic, for a person to have a child and feel absolutely nothing for the offspring.

While viewing the show, I started thinking about the requirements for having a child. And basically it can be as simple as random sperm entering a random uterus. No names, no strings attached. Nothing. Get up and go in different directions. When you think about it, isn't it sad that thats all it takes to create LIFE? Life is amazing. Its beautiful. Its complex, complicated. Mysterious. Unfortunate yet magnificent. It's so emotional, yet emotions are not even necessary for its birth.

After pondering over these thoughts for a while, I grew upset with God and told him so. How could He allow the reproduction of something so vital to be so simple? I know humans abuse sex's original purpose, but still. Creating a human is just too easy.

I started to think of ways to have a more intricate baby making process. People should have a switch that needs to be turned on in order to be able to produce a child. Unlike puberty, this switch would be manual. The only way to get the switch turned on is to pass a test at the doctor's office. The test would contain questions such as:

1.) How well do you know your potential baby momma/daddy?
2.) Do you like/love your potential baby momma/daddy?
3.) Do you have a job?
4.) How much money do you make?
5.) How much do you think it costs to support a newborn child?
6.) What is your philosophy on child rearing?
7.) In your opinion, at what point do you think you are no longer financially responsible for your child?
8.) What role should education play in a child's life?
9.) If you and the maker of this baby decide to no longer be together, how will you support this child emotionally? Financially?
10.) On a scale of 1-10, how important is it to spend time with your child? Explain.

I think you get my point. Baby making should be a thoughtful process rather than a thoughtless process.

After conversing more with God, He convinced me that it wasn't His fault that producing a child had become so senseless. We as humans have abused the sexual experience as merely a pleasure seeking entity without fully acknowledging its procreation aspects. We did this to ourselves. From this lens, we have devalued life. We are the highest beings and we're supposed to know better and do better.

How would the world, or parenting more specifically, be different if people valued life over self seeking pleasure?

I ain't . . .

2008-03-05T17:20:00.000-08:00

. . . been up here in so long I bout forgot how to log in.

I Heart My Students

2007-10-05T14:00:00.000-07:00

I truly Heart my students. I know I talk a lot about the problems of teaching, of education, and of my school; however, at the end of the day, I keep going back to teach. I love what I do. It makes me happy to have a positive impact on the lives of so many young people. I see so much potential when I look into their eyes. As Lauryn Hill once said, "[They] inspire me to be a higher me." Everyday I try to be a better teacher so that they can become better people/students.

The above picture was drawn by one of my former students. She's a brilliant student and an amazing artist. She's only a sophomore and she plans to attend UNC Chapel Hill. The picture is actually a sign and it hangs on the wall outside of my room, above my door. The other two pictures embody how I feel about my job. If you look close enough, you can see that the different squares (some rectangles) surrounding the Malcolm X poster are actually Me Squared. The students were supposed to put a picture of themselves in the middle and put words, images, and symbols that are significant to them around the outside of their picture. I placed their squares around Malcolm X's poster which features his famous quote: "We declare our right on this earth to be a man, to be a human being, to be respected as a human being, to be given the rights of a human being in this society, on this earth, in this day, which we intend to bring into existence by any means necessary." I believe that by any means necessary, I will educate my students to believe in themselves, their futures, and their worth. And they are the means, my weapons if you will, which I will use to fight a society which systematically tries to denigrate African Americans in our country.

Again, I Heart My Students:0)

Did Teachers Take Noose Lesson Too Far?

2007-10-02T18:33:00.001-07:00

Kindergarten teachers at Alma J. Brown Elementary, a Gramling State University run school, decided to use the Jena Six case as a teachable moment. The lesson involved nooses and link chains. Take a look at the video and decide whether or not the teachers took things too far.

Stop Making Hip-Hop the Scape Goat!!!

2007-10-01T16:43:00.000-07:00

In light of the recent attention being paid to hip-hop, stemming from the Don Imus situation way back when, I decided to let people know how I really feel. Honestly, I do have a problem with the misogynistic lyrics and the minstrelsy of hip-hop, but I won't jump on the bandwagon of blaming hip-hop for the problems of the Black community (as if it is the only one).

I believe that today's educational system is more of an acidic force in our community than our music. Our youth are not receiving the education that they need and deserve. I really wish our so called Black leaders would channel some of their energy towards getting qualified teachers in low performing schools, getting supplies to students who can't afford them, getting computers in poor districts, upgrading school buildings that need to be condemned, closing the achievement gap, etc. I'm sorry, but I find it hard to believe that Jahmal, a 15-year-old gang banger, is committing crime because he heard Yung Joc say "if ya messin' with my money, ya messin' with ya life" or he heard some other violent lyric that I can't think of right now. Jahmal is probably robbing his neighbor because he reads at a third grade level and is bored out his mind in class because he doesn't want his classmates to know he can't understand what the heck is going on in The Odyssey. Our youth are becoming disconnected with school and are filling that void with things such as hip-hop music and crime, and the root of the problem is an educational system which isn't meeting the needs of our students. To take this argument in a different direction, some people may say that parents are the real root of the problems of our youth, which is also true, but I stopped blaming parents when I realized that some people are just bad parents, and we can't control that, but we can work to change our educational system. But I digress.

Hip-hop is a genre and the artists have a right to talk about what they feel and how they feel. They really aren't doing anything any different from any other genre. I think the problem is hip-hop has a stronghold on America, like no other, and it possesses more power than some of us would like for it to have. Also the problem is that we are trying to make these people into suitable role models/leaders. Everybody ain't cut out to be a leader. Being famous should not be equated with role model, and I don't believe that you have to be educated to be a leader (Fannie Lou Hamer is my favorite leader). Besides, its not the musician, its the listeners that we need to be concerned with. Artists produce what the people want to hear. Educate the people, change the artists. Don't try to change the artist to educate the people.

Students Get Pepper Sprayed

2007-09-07T17:06:00.000-07:00

At the end of school today, a group of female students started fighting each other. I didn't see the fight because I was in my room and the fight took place outside near the buses (they almost made it home). As I was sitting in my room, I heard this commotion in the hallway. A female was yelling, "My EYES!!!! My EYES!! Somebody HELP ME!!!" I thought it was a fight and I ran outside my room because it sounded as if someone was seriously injured. When I got outside, I saw about 3 female students screaming about their eyes hurting and not being able to see. One student was on the floor wailing. I saw the school officers standing around and figured they had the situation under control.The scene reminded me of Oedipus Rex when he had gouged his eyes out. For some reason, I felt more sympathy for Oedipus than I did for the females screaming as if someone was pulling their eyes out of their sockets. It turns out the police officers had to pepper spray them to break-up the fight.

In retrospect, my lack of empathy for the young ladies bothers me. My initial feelings were, "They should not have been fighting at school anyways;" "That's what they get;" "Hopefully it will teach these kids to think twice before they get into a fight." Am I wrong for feeling this way? Should students be pepper sprayed? One teacher said, "The officers are too rough with the students." I didn't think they were too rough.

I have seen some serious take-downs by administrators and officers. It's kinda like a "by any means necessary" situation. Most students will not stop with a simple, "Hey there. Let go of that students hair;" or "Could you please stop stomping the mess out of this young man's face." In some situations, the students are injured (a female was slammed to the ground last year and scraped her head against the pavement--she had punched an assistant principal in the face, breaking his glasses while giving him a black eye) and in others, the adults are injured. What are we, as educators/school officials supposed to do? At some point, adults also have to think about their own safety.

What do you think?

"You could have a heart attack . . ."

2007-08-19T13:23:00.000-07:00

". . . and if your heart starts beating fast, you should call 9-1-1." That is exactly what my doctor told me at my annual check-up. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Definitely an eye-opener.
Dr. Bowen was referring to the issues with my thyroid. She was trying, not to scare me, but to help me realize the severity of my neglect to attend my doctor's appointment and take my medication.

See what had happened was, at the physical one has to get before entering college. I was told I have a hyperactive thyroid. My thyroid was monitored for about a year, and at that time, everything was ok and I didn't have any further appointments. Fast forward six years to my physical taken last year where they checked my blood. This time, my thyroid had gotten worse, the doctors found a goiter on my neck, prescribed a medication, and set up an appointment with a specialist.

Well, I started taking my meds, but then I read the side effects and decided not to take them anymore. I mean, I couldn't tell that my thyroid was bothering me, so why would I want to take this medicine and feel horrible? Then I canceled my appointment because I didn't want to get off work early. It was too much trouble (I am not a good patient). Plus my doctor at the time didn't make it out to be a big deal.

So 2007 rolls around and its time for my annual exam. I have a new doctor, Dr. Bowen. On my "List any concerns that you may have" section of the paper I had to fill out, I put that I had been experiencing extreme fatigue (Normally I would pass it off and blame my tiredness on teaching; however, I haven't been in a classroom since early June, and I have been so exhausted lately. I knew something must be wrong with me. Plus I'm always thirsty. I thought I had diabetes. It runs on both sides of my family). She looked at my records and said that it was probably related to my thyroid.

Then I confessed my lack of follow through with my last physical a year ago. Dr. Bowen had a look of concern on her face. She asked, "Did [your previous] doctor tell you how serious this is?" Meanwhile I'm thinking, "It's never that serious!" But I replied with, "No." Thats when she went into the "I'm not trying to scare you but . . ." She told me all these things that could happen to me, including sudden death, if I didn't take care of my thyroid. She added that thyroid issues go hand in hand with diabetes, and that if I wasn't careful, I would soon have that too. She also said that my thyroid would have to be even more carefully monitored if I ever got pregnant.

Needless to say, I start a new prescription next week. I go see the specialist in November. I am thankful for this visit. I appreciate Dr. Bowen's honesty because she made me realize the importance of this health matter, because before, I was rather nonchalant about the whole thing.

All in all, I am thankful for what I do have and also thankful for what I don't have. I sure am glad that I know Jesus, because if I didn't, I might would be a lil hysterical right now. I'm ok though. I was definitely taken aback by the news and I can't stop thinking about it. But I'm ok. Please keep me in your prayers.

One last thing, I advise that you go see a doctor on a regular basis. I know some people, especially black people, are apprehensive about doctor visits (I am guilty), but we all need a check-up at least once a year. Early detection can be a life saver. Just because you feel fine doesn't mean that you are fine. Please see a doctor when you can.

The Jena Six

2007-07-28T11:21:00.000-07:00

If you haven't heard, you should read this article about another unfortunate incident involving black youth. Also, sign the petition for the Civil Rights Division of the U.S. Department of Justice to have the case thoroughly investigated.

Excerpt: Six black students at Jena High School in Central Louisiana were arrested last December
after a school fight in which a white student was beaten and suffered a concussion and multiple bruises. The six black students were charged with attempted murder and conspiracy. They face up to 100 years in prison without parole. The fight took place amid mounting racial tension after a black student sat under a tree in the schoolyard where only white students sat. The next day three nooses were hanging from the tree.

Jailhouse Thriller

2007-07-28T11:04:00.000-07:00

Is this for real? I don't know what to think.

Fallen Angels

2007-07-20T18:36:00.001-07:00

I recently finished reading Fallen Angels by Walter Dean Myers. It was one of the options for my students to read as part of our literature circles. I hadn't read the book and thought that I should. It's about a young African American male, Richie Perry, who decided to join the Vietnam War upon high school graduation since his single mother didn't have enough money to send him to college. Rather than waste away on the streets of Harlem like so many of his predecessors, he decided to join the army.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book. It opened up my eyes to experiences to which our soldiers are currently having. While the book is fictional, I'm sure some of the events that take place are not too far from the truth. For example, in the book, the young soldiers are scared to death and operate in a self preservation mode, often making them a little over zealous when it comes to firing their weapons. On one occasion, a soldier started firing because he heard something and then the other soldiers, naturally, followed suit. Come to find out, they were firing on other U.S. soldiers, killing several of their own men.

On another occasion, a captain set off a flare that lit up the night air, revealing the position of the troops. Unfortunately, Charlie (a Vietnam soldier) shot and killed one of the soldiers. The captain felt extremely guilty and decided to write a letter to the deceased soldier's family, explaining how he was responsible for their loved one's death. A general read the letter, tore it up, and instructed Richie (the main character) to rewrite the letter, telling the family how the soldier had died as a hero, saving other's lives. Sound familiar?

Remember the NFL football player who left the league to defend his country? Pat Tillman, a former safety for the Arizona Cardinals, died while fighting in Afghanistan. His family, along with the rest of the country, was led to believe that Tillman's killing was "the result of a heroic firefight with enemy fighters in the mountains of Afghanistan;" however, his brother Kevin revealed that Pat had actually been killed by a fellow soldier. He chastised the army for the cover-up and challenged to the country to seek-out the individuals responsible for the lies.

And let us not forget Jessica Lynch who revealed that she was far from the hero she was portrayed to be. Who knows what other lies we are being fed? We only know what we're being told.

Again, Fallen Angels is a good read and I can definitely see parallels between the Vietnam War and the War on Terror. I have a new appreciation for our troops and I plan to have my students write letters in the fall

HBCU vs PWU . . . Can't We All Just Get an Education?

2007-07-20T17:12:00.000-07:00

Recently I was having a conversation with my cousin Brandi about the state of today's educational system. Somehow the conversation switched to comparing and contrasting an HBCU vs a Predominately White University (PWU). Brandi attended NC A&T State University and I attended UNC-Chapel Hill. We were going back and forth about the black experience at both institutions and which one was better. Actually, I think I was mostly defending my experience at UNC as a valid one. However, at the end of the conversation she said that she would not trade her experience at A&T for anything and I certainly would not trade mine. We both received a good education; we both grew as women; we understand ourselves and the world better. Bottom line, why can't Black people agree that regardless of whether or not you decide to attend an HBCU or a PWU, you can still receive a good education and a quality Black experience. I am so tired of battling which is better. Can't we just be happy that more and more Black people are attending college and call it a day?

Who deserves to die?

2007-06-28T15:47:00.000-07:00

DeCarlo Polk, a class of 2007 graduate from Hillside High School, collapsed and died suddenly Wednesday, June 27th while playing basketball at his uncle's house in Tennessee. Resuscitation efforts by his uncle and the EMS failed to bring him back. Carlos, as we called him, was a role model student at HHS. He was an IB Student and was a member of the football team and Student Government Association (SGA). He was Homecoming King and he also received a football scholarship to play at St. Augustine in the fall. Carlos was a great kid who will be deeply missed.

My husband learned of his death from another teacher at HHS. Both KB and I knew Carlos, but he and KB were pretty close. KB was an SGA advisor and he taught Carlos in a leadership class. Carlos had already made plans to come spend time with us next fall since we live so close to St. Aug.

When KB told me what happened, we were both in disbelief. We hoped it was just a terrible rumor and maybe someone got their facts mixed up. I just didn't want to believe that this child had died suddenly. He was such a good person and he didn't deserve to die.

I kept thinking that he didn't deserve to die. In thinking about him and life and death, I questioned, "If he didn't deserve to die, who deserves to die?" Often when people die, you hear friends and family of the deceased give accolade after accolade of the person. And normally, people will add, "They didn't deserve to die."

Most people argue that bad people deserve to die, for example ones who have killed others or molested children. I don't think this is a good argument because bad people is very subjective. Who determines whether a person is good or bad? Plus if only bad people died, then there would be no room for repentance and forgiveness (I think I've talked about this on Rell's blog); therefore, Jesus' death would have been in vain and there would be no hope for changing one's life.

So who deserves to die? I guess no one deserves to die, but we should all be aware of the fact that death comes to both the good and the bad, to the young and to the old, to the saved and to the unsaved.

Cherish life because it is short and death can come to anyone unexpectedly.

R.I.P. Carlos

"Not Another Marcus Dixon!?!" Update

2007-06-13T21:13:00.000-07:00

A while back I wrote on post on Genarlow Wilson. A superior court judge recently ruled that his felony conviction should be dropped to a misdemeanor, allowing him to be released from jail. However, Georgia Attorney General Thurbert Baker has appealed the ruling and Wilson will remain in jail until the appeal is reviewed in court. The appeal date is set for July 5th.

Old Enough. . .

2007-05-04T11:02:00.001-07:00

This week I had a parent conference for a female student. The student, let’s calls her Jaime, is missing several assignments due to absences and currently has a low ‘D’ average. When I arrived at the conference, I saw Jaime, her mother, and her mentor.

I stuck my hand out to her mother to greet her, “Hi, I’m Mrs. Bullock.” Jaime’s mother, with a bewildered facial expression, looked to the left, to the right, then up and then down, in a quick motion.

She said, “Who are you?”

I replied, “Mrs. Bullock, Jaime’s teacher?”

“Teacher of what?” she questioned with sarcasm as she looked at me from head to toe. That day I was very dressed up. I was wearing a 3 quarter length black shirt with a dressy, colorful skirt I had bought from Lerner (actually New York & Company, but I remember when it was called Lerner), along with a pair of black shoes that had a nice heel to them. I looked very professional.

“I have Jaime for English.”

“How old are you?” she inquired.

I knew this question was coming. I could tell by the look in her eyes. I have been waiting for the next parent to ask me my age. See, I have a pretty young looking face and at first glance, many people think that I am a student (even though I feel that my dress sets me apart). Last year, I had several parents ask me my age and I told them. It always made me feel uncomfortable and young, especially if they asked me in the presence of my student. So I concocted a short quick phrase to which I would use as a reply the next time a parent asked me my age.

“Old enough to teach Jaime English,” I said with a smile. She shook my hand, and I sat down to talk business.

Jesus rode a colt. I ride a stallion. Part II

2007-05-01T12:55:00.000-07:00

I did it. I traded in my truck. If you have been following my blog, you should recall that a couple of weeks ago, I wrote a post titled, Jesus rode a colt. I ride a stallion (see below). Well, I did a little more research and decided to trade my truck in for a 2007 Honda Civic. Now, like most of my friends, you are probably thinking, "Well that is not a donkey!" However, compared to the loaded SUV I was driving, it is—kinda.

First let me explain why I didn’t get a used Honda. For those that don’t know, Hondas really hold their value. So while I was looking for one that was maybe 2 or 3 three years old (I didn’t want one that was too old with too many miles for maintenance reasons), I noticed that most were within a couple of thousand dollars of a new car. Why buy a used car when you can get a new one for almost the same price?

Also, when it comes to trading in a car, you have to figure your negative equity into the total buying price. When trying to purchase a used car, while trading-in a car that has negative equity, the dealer is not as willing to negotiate prices. So, take the price of the used car, add in your negative equity, and you basically have the price of a new car. On the other hand, a dealer is more willing to negotiate prices, giving more for your trade-in and taking more off the sticker price when purchasing a new car. Thus, this is the reason why I went with a new car rather than a used one.

I am very happy with my trade. I waved good bye to my truck, and I currently hold no regrets. My new car gets 30 miles to the gallon in the city and 40 on the hwy. My truck maybe averaged 12-14 in the city and 20 on the hwy. It cost about $60 to fill up my truck and about $30 to fill up my car. My monthly car payment is lower. Insurance is lower. And I traded in my truck right before my payment and property taxes were due (YES!!!).

While my car doesn’t look like a donkey, it is more practical, not as excessive, and it will definitely help me to continue to serve my purpose in life.

Less is more.

God Bless!!!

Do we really have freedom of speech?

2007-04-14T05:47:00.000-07:00

Due to the recent national attention Don Imus has received for calling the Rutgers Women’s basketball team “nappy headed hoes,” and then being fired, I question whether or not we truly have freedom of speech. In a recent debate with one of my close friends, he argued that we are free to say what we want to say by law, but we must be prepared to face the consequences of our words. Very true. On the other hand, I argued that we have the optical illusion of freedom of speech because consequences, even though they are not institutionalized by the government, for our words do exist. But then, I caught myself, because in public schools, freedom of speech is limited. Teachers, by law, are not allowed to talk about certain subjects in a way that may persuade students to change their political, religious, etc views. Also, at work, people are not allowed to say whatever they want to people in regards to topics related to sex (i.e. sexual harassment lawsuits).

And again, my friend argued that in other countries, the law states that people do not have freedom speech, that they will be punished by law for speaking out, for example, against the government. However, Bill Maher was fired from his show Politically Incorrect , after saying, “We have been the cowards, lobbing Cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That's cowardly. Staying in the airplane when it hits the building, say what you want about it, not cowardly" in regards to the actions of the terrorists of 9/11 (wish I had said it last night). While he wasn't arrested for his comments, he was deemed unpatriotic and lost his job.

With all of this said, do we truly have the freedom of speech? Is there a difference when a country has a law against freedom of speech and when a country doesn’t, yet in that same country people are held accountable for what they say? What are your thoughts?

Jesus rode a colt. I ride a stallion.

2007-04-02T20:15:00.000-07:00

At church this past Sunday, Pastor’s sermon was entitled, “The Donkey, the Dignitary, and the Disciple”. While I’m not sure of the actual message, he did make me think about Jesus riding a donkey into Jerusalem. The sermon came from Matthew 21: 1-7 (I won’t include it here, but rather challenge you to read it for yourself).

As pastor was talking, he asked, “Why would Jesus choose a donkey to ride into Jerusalem?” I think he even mentioned the word “ass” a time or two. As he talked, I drifted in and out of my own thoughts. What he really got me thinking about was the fact that Jesus rode a donkey. And those thoughts propelled my mind into analyzing how I’m riding.

Recently I’ve been thinking about my truck. I drive a red, 2005 Ford Sport Trac with leather seats, sun roof, four wheel drive, V6 engine, basically fully loaded. I wanted that truck every since it came out. And once I finally got my job, I went out and bought me a brand spankin’ new one. About a week ago, I went to fill it up; it cost me $49 and the tank wasn’t empty. All of sudden, I began to think, “Why in the heck am I driving this gas guzzler?” I began to ponder why I bought my truck in the first place. I knew it was going to take a lot of gas--was very conscious of that--but once I started paying for it, the reality really hit.

So I started thinking, maybe I should trade my truck in for another car. I always liked the Toyota Camry. So I went to look at the new Camry (this is a long story but it has a good message). While at the dealership, I was looking at what I could trade my truck in for and not receive a higher payment. I would save on gas money, considering my truck gets about 14 miles to the gallon and a Camry gets about 24. But when I saw what I would get if I traded my car in, I noticed that in order to maintain the same payment, I would have to lose the leather seats and sun roof and get a pretty standard car. In my mind I’m thinking, I would be downgrading. Then I started to think about my values.

As I was leaving the dealership, the salesman working with us walked us to the car. He pointed to my husband’s ride and said, “Is this yours?” KB replied, “Yes, I love my Altima (2006).” The salesman then said, “Don’t love your car. It depreciates.” Again I thought about my values.

So fast-forward back to the church service on Sunday. Jesus rode a donkey. The donkey got him to where he needed to go. It got the job done. He chose a donkey when he could have chosen any “more important” animal to ride. To Him, it wasn’t about how he was riding, but more about His purpose in what he was doing.

I have put and continue to put a lot of money into my stallion. All I need to do is to be able to get to work, where I serve my purpose in life as a teacher, and get home. I just need a reliable car. Had I chosen a donkey to ride, I could have more money to put in my savings, or more money to put towards my home (a true investment), or more money to pay back my school loans. Just think about how much money people put into cars: rims, tent, stereo systems, televisions, etc. All that money slowly but surely loses value. I mean I do understand that driving a nice car is a reward, a small pleasure for all of the work we do, but . . .

Jesus rode a donkey. Just something to think about.

Man vs. Nature

2007-04-02T20:13:00.000-07:00

For those that don’t know, I teach English I to 9^th graders. In class one day, we were reviewing literary elements for a big test. I divided the class into groups and each group received a literary element to which it had to act out. Meanwhile, the class had to guess the element being portrayed.

There was one group that I will never forget. It was three males. One male was standing tall, arms out like tree branches, head cocked to the side. So I figured he was a tree. One of the other group members walked up to the “tree” and went through the motions of unzipping his pants. I’m thinking, “What in the world is he doing? Should I stop this? What if he pulls his pants down?” Everything was just happening so fast, I couldn’t even speak. So the male student continued. He stood with his legs spread apart and began to urinate on the “tree”. Then the third group member walked onto to scene with an “axe” and chopped down the “tree”. The tree fell lifeless to the ground. Everyone in the class began to laugh. People started shouting out guesses.

“Setting!”

“Plot!”

“Imagery!”

The three boys shook their heads and the tree said, “Nope. Man vs. Nature.”

I almost died laughing.

Not Another Marcus Dixon!?!

2007-02-01T07:12:00.000-08:00

For those that don't know, Marcus Dixon was an 18-year-old high school student athlete in 2003, living in Rome, Georgia. He had a 3.96 GPA and a full football scholarship to Vanderbilt University. However, in February of '03, he had consensual sex on school grounds with a almost 16 year-old white female. Her father found out and decided to bring rape charges against him. The jury acquitted Dixon of all rape charges, but due to a statutory rape law in Georgia, he was sentenced to an automatic 10 years in prison without parole. His case received national attention and he even completed an interview from prison with Oprah. Fortunately, after spending about 14 months in jail, his case went to the supreme court and was overturned.

I was very happy for Marcus, but unfortunately, another black male athlete has fallen victim to this terrible law in Georgia: Genarlow Wilson. Wilson, who was a 17-year-old high school football player, had consensual sex and oral sex with a 15 year old white female, who later claimed she was raped. The case went to trial and the defense attorney proved that "everyone, including the girl and the prosecution, agreed she initiated the act. But because of an archaic Georgia law, it was a misdemeanor for teenagers less than three years apart to have sexual intercourse, but a felony for t he same kids to have oral sex." What?

Now this young athlete is sitting in jail for a 10 year sentence without parole. When will the madness stop? This is crazy! How many more black males are in jail for this same thing? Where is the justice? What can we do to help not only his situation, but the bigger societal issues revealed through the two cases mentioned here?

Free Genarlow Wilson!!!!

What tha @!*% . . .

2007-01-18T09:25:00.000-08:00

What is really going on? This is a hot mess. Please try to bear with it until the end. http://www.vh1.com/vspot/player.jhtml?lnk=v&vid=126388&source=VS_VIDEO:undefined:Tha+Interrogation#126388&launchedFrom=/vspot/

Not This Time!!

2007-01-11T17:23:00.000-08:00

In one of my classes today, my students were working on family history projects. These projects required some research, and we were using wireless laptops in my room. My students were well aware of the fact that I do not allow them to play music aloud from their computers. So one student decided to try me today.

He started playing, "On the Hotline" by Pretty Ricky. All I heard was "Let's talk about sex baby." So I said, "Someone is about to lose his computer privilege if he doesn't turn his music off." Normally when I say this, after getting the attention he/she needed, the student will turn the music off and I don't have to make a scene. I guess this student wanted to be extra funny and he continued to play the music so that the whole class could here it: ". . . cause im home alone lustin' for ya im in my room nothin but a towel on take them granny panties off put a thong on i love it when i hear you moan you got that sexy tone." I went to his computer, muted it and began to take it away from him. He put his hands around the computer and said, "No please don't take it. I'll turn it off." Then in a real quiet voice, "Please don't. I'm having family problems." I looked at him like he was crazy. I said, "No you're not. You told me that last time."

My student may very well be having problems at home, but it wasn't working this time. He knew exactly what he was doing. There are students who have behavior problems because of their home lives, but I wonder how many students take advantage of the idea that people will treat them differently based on their "hard-knock life." I will even go as far as to say that some students live up to the stereotypes about growing up black. For example, students hear "well you know his father is in jail," or "she comes from a single parent home," or "most young black males are unfairly being kicked out of class," or "young black women are prone to be promiscuous" and use those stereotypes as a scapegoat for their bad behavior. And with some teachers/people, they are allowed to get away with whatever.

I understand that we are all products of our environment, but at some point, we all have to be held accountable for our own actions. I truly believe that our young black males and females are being babied by some teachers because they are "poor little unfortunate black kids." This babying enables their inappropriate, often obnoxious, rude behaviors. And by the time they reach high school, they are Out Of Control!!

Can we please be in prayer for our youth and the people responsible for their education?

Getting a Grip!!

2007-01-07T15:25:00.000-08:00

My Sheepfold Ministry group at church is reading a new book entitled, "Getting a Grip--Finding Balance in Your Daily Life," by Bill Hybels with Kevin and Sherry Harney. The book is divided into 6 sessions: 1.) Getting a Grip on Your Life 2.) Getting a Grip on Your Schedule 3.) Getting a Grip on Your Body 4.) Getting a Grip on Your Finances 5.) Getting a Grip on Your Spiritual Life and 6.) Getting a Grip on Your Relationships. We're only on session 2 and the book has already provided an eye-opening experience for me.

In session one, the text asked the reader to create a pie graph portraying her life. When I created my pie graph, I noticed that my vocation took up 3/4 of my pie graph. This was no surprise to me. I know that my job consumes most of my time; however, what surprised me most was what I tried to squeeze into that last little 1/4 of my life. I had "family," "spritual growth," and "other." It was sad to me. I almost cried. I barely had time for my husband, my other family, myself, and most importantly, God. Fitness, friendships, hobbies, and recreation were not even an option on my circle. I really miss my friends, and sometimes I miss myself.

The text suggests reading Genesis 1:1-27 and asking yourself, "How do you see God creating order out of chaos in the account of creation?" The text also asks, "If human beings are created in the image of God, and God is a God of order, what do you learn about humanity from [Genesis 1:26]?" If God is a God of order, we need to be humans of order and not chaos. While my life doesn't seem chaotic, it certainly isn't well balanced. And in my mind, God is at the center of my life, but looking at my pie graph, it doesn't appear that way.

Bottom line, I am thankful to be going to these sessions and analyzing my life so that I can Get a Grip. As the sessions continue, hopefully I will have more inciteful things to share. I pray that each of you recognize how you are spending time in your life. Make sure that no matter what, God is at the center.

The Audacity!!

2007-01-06T16:34:00.000-08:00

Why did one of my students steal my MP3 Player? I was out one Friday and had to get a sub. The student went inside my desk and stole my Samsung MP3 Player ( I know I should not have left it there, but that’s another story). Fortunately, for me, an honest student saw him do it. On top of that, like most dumb criminals, he went around bragging that he had taken it out of my desk. When I came back, the honest student told me what happened. I told an administrator and he denied stealing it for about 3 days until we brought in his mom, the police unit, and charges.
Finally he confessed and the MP3 player was returned; however, it was not complete. When he stole it, it had my USB chord attached to it, but when he returned it, it did not have the chord. Apparently he lost it. So basically I have an MP3 player to which I cannot upload songs. I called his mom about the chord and she said he didn’t have it. I was thinking, “Well you need to replace it.”
But this ain’t even what I’m mad about. I’ve gotten over the fact that this [Beautiful child of God] stole my stuff--that was so November. What I’m really mad about is school started back this week. That very same student was listening to music through some sort of device in my class. I asked him to put whatever he had away or I would take it. I just so happened to look down and saw what was playing his music. In my head I said, “How did you get my MP3 player again.” Then I remembered, “Oh yeah, mine is at home.” Tell me why his mother (or somebody) had the audacity to go and buy him the exact same MP3 player he had stolen from me (I guess he got it for Christmas). I almost jerked it straight out of his hand, but the Holy Spirit . . .
I could not believe that someone bought that for him. What kind of lesson was he being taught? I mean he did get a 10 day vacation, I mean suspension, but still. That’s what’s wrong with kids today (well at least one thing). Many of them never really have to face true consequences for their actions. They do what they want to do without a conscience. We have got to start holding these students accountable.
And I’m done.

Saggin Spelled Backwards

2006-10-08T16:22:00.000-07:00

One of my co-workers told me that she overheard a conversation between some of her students. In this conversation, a black male student, lets call him Jahmal, told his peers that he had recently been denied a job opportunity. He went to the interview wearing baggy pants that dropped just below his waist. He was being interviewed by a white male. During the course of the interview, the interviewer asked Jahmal, "Do you know what saggin spells when written backwards?" Jahmal thought for a second and said, "Niggas." The interviewer said, "Right and we don't hire people who sag and we don't hire niggas." Needless to say, he didn't get the job. My co-worker said that the only reason she didn't tell Jahmal to turn around and stop talking was because she felt those students needed to hear that. They need to know their appearance will hurt or help them get a job.

And I must admit, I wasn't even mad (at first, but as I reread this entry for errors, I'm starting to analyze the situation a little more) when the man said nigga. Our young black males need to know that wearing your pants below your butt, waddling into an interview is going to get them (more often than not) an automatic rejection. Pull your pants up!!

Beyonce Comments on Lauryn Hill's "Tragic" Story

2006-09-03T13:39:00.000-07:00

KB was viewing the Black Voices website and showed me the following quote, which was made by Beyonce: "'Her story is the most tragic. Her album was genius. I know I'm more than a singer and I have so many other things in my life to keep me focused. I hope and pray that I stay as comfortable in my own skin as I am right now.' -- Beyonce Knowles Explaining Why She'll Never "Lose Herself" Like Lauryn Hill"

After reading the quote, I had to find the article where she made this comment so that I could put it in the right context. I mean, Beyonce has been slowly but surely losing my respect, and now it appeared that she was talking junk about Lauryn Hill, my favorite Hip Hop artist. So I found the article on the internet and read it:

Beyonce Deals With Fame

by Daniel Zugna

August 21 2006

Beyonce Knowles has claimed that she will never "lose herself" like Lauryn Hill.

Beyonce described the former Fugees star's story as "tragic", claiming that Hill has been unable to cope with the demands of fame and success.

Whilst Beyonce describes Hill's story to be tragic, others view her self-imposed exile as inspiring. After the phenomenal commercial and critical success of 1998's 'The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill', she returned head-shaved and glam-free with the 'MTV Unplugged' album of 2002, and has since performed at underprivileged schools across New York, channelling her humanitarian ethos. Hill also made an appearance at Dave Chapelle's Block Party in 2004, documented in the Michel Gondry film of this year.

Still, Beyonce said, "[Lauryn Hill's] story is the most tragic. I mean, her record was genius. But drama and demands and the pressure and all of the people giving you so much access to so many things can be too much.

"I don't know what's going to happen to me but I know I'm more than a singer and I have so many other things in my life to keep me focused. I hope and pray that I stay as comfortable in my own skin as I am right now."

Beyonce's new album, 'B'Day' is released worldwide on September 4, and in the US on September 5, to coincide with the star's 25th birthday.

I don't look at Lauryn Hill's story as tragic; I view it as triumphant. Many people called and are still calling her crazy. I beg to differ. She found a knowledge, the same knowledge that Gnarls Barkley describes in "Crazy," which sounds contradictory but its not a real crazy.

Its the kind of crazy in which a person discovers truth and is viewed as "crazy," weird, or different by outsiders who don't understand and who don't have the same truth. I equate her leave of absence from the limelight with Dave Chapelle's exodus. Both realized that there were people in their lives who were controlling them, exploiting them, and who were restricting them by putting them in boxes they didn't subscribe to. They realized they were becoming persons whom they didn't like anymore and they needed, to quote Hill, " to get out". They needed to get free to be who they were supposed to be. And thus they became conscious people.

So maybe Beyonce is comfortable with her commercial self and maybe she has no problem being her own video ho to Jay-Z in her Deja Vu video in which he pimped her and maybe she's ok with her own definition of deja vu being that in her song she experiences a day dream and not the illusion of having previously experienced something actually being encountered for the first time. Be happy with yourself B, but don't refer to Lauryn's awakening, coming of age, as "the most tragic." Guess I'll be celebrating my 'B'Day' in March.

Black Power Doesn't Mean "I hate white people"

2006-08-07T08:53:00.000-07:00

I strongly believe in Black empowerment. My second major in college was African American Studies, which heightened my sense of self and heightened my sense of awareness of the workings of society. Because of my experiences as a Black female and as an AFAM major, I have commensed to sharing what I've learned to others to help make them more aware, more conscious, of the roles of race in our society.

With that said, some of my friends think I hate white people, which is not true. They got this impression of me because I tell a history story that is not quite like the ones they read during History and English class, where slavery, Black inventors, and Black authors were left out. They got this impression of me because I cut all of my hair off and now rock the natural. They got this impression of me because I support Black businesses. Most recently, they got this impression of me because I started a Facebook group called "Amour Noir" or Black Love.
(They got this impression of me, in all fairness, for other reasons as well. See "Excuse Me for Being Overly Race Conscious)
Amoir Noir's purpose is to support Black marriages: "With the nucleus of the Black family threatened everyday by varying influences, it is imperative that we recognize and support the love that thrives among black marriages." We, as Black people, receive a lot of negativity about Black men, Black women, and Black marraiges. All I wanted to do was encourage young Black couples and let them know that they are not alone.

So then, one of my friends, who was being fecetious, asked, "If I marry a white woman can I be invited to the group?" I told him, "No." Then I went on to explain that his marriage would not be a "Black marriage." He went on to aruge that he was Black and I replied with but your wife was not. While we're having this discussion, another one of my friends was sitting next to me. She is engaged to a white man. Then she said, "So you wouldn't invite me?" And I said, "No because that would not be a Black marriage either." So then I was called a racist.

I didn't know that supporting Black marriages, or Black artists, Black businesses, or Black whatever meant that I didn't support white endeavors (it is almost impossible to live in America and not support white _________ (fill in the blank)). Believing in myself doesn't mean that I don't believe in someone else. I think some people have Black Power confused with "White Power" (say this with a country twain). White Power meant the oppression and death of a people by an entire society with governmental support (this is the abbreviated version). Black Power means, get up and do something with yourself, believe in yourself, support yourself, stop lying to yourself, seek truth for yourself, give back to your community, stop blaming others, etc. It's so much more than "I hate white people."

Now, some "Black Power" people may not love white people, but thats not me. Don't get it twisted. I love all people and there is nothing wrong with supporting my Black brothers and sisters and being honest about whats really going on in our society.

So with that said--

Black Power

(with my fist raised, my afro picked out, and my afro pick in my back pocket.)

We loved the Cosby Show. . . "because it showed that African-American families can be just as white-bread as every other TV family. "

2006-08-03T12:51:00.000-07:00

My brother sent me this article, Best TV Shows of the '80s. Read the blurb about the Cosby Show, and tell me what you think.

Countdown to Lockdown!!

2006-07-29T11:08:00.000-07:00

As of today, I have 18 days before I have to be back at school and 27 days before the students come back. For those that don't know, I teach English to ninth and eleventh graders. Teaching is hard, but I love it. I’ll do a post or two later on the state of our educational system, but that isn’t was this is about right now.

Going back to school after chilling a lot over the summer is difficult. So rather than focusing on getting up at 5:45 AM, bad kids, tons of paperwork, and lesson plans, I want to focus on the positives of education. Tell me about your favorite teacher and why he or she was your favorite. What did that teacher do that set him/her apart from your other teachers. In your opinion, what makes a great teacher great? Or, tell me about a positive experience you had at school with a teacher, administrator, janitor, counselor, cafeteria worker, coach, etc. Basically, tell me sumin good!!!

I Miss Writing Poetry

2006-07-27T15:15:00.000-07:00

I never knew I was a poet until I entered college. Most of the time I wrote about pain. My pain, normally from a relationship gone terribly wrong, fueled me to express my feelings in a poetic manner. I never knew sad language could sound so beautiful. Even though I was hurting, my poetry comforted me.

For a while now, I haven't been sad, depressed, or even hurt. I haven't written a "man hater" or a "God why me" poem in a long time. All of this can be attributed to two things: 1. I discovered a love for my Heavenly Father; 2. I discovered a love for my best friend (one of my best friends), my husband KB. I am happy. Im blessed. My cup runneth over. They give me a reason not to write--or rather, a new reason to write, but I find it much harder to write from this extreme than the other. I guess for a while now, I have associated my poetry with pain and anger. Now that I have a new schema for speaking methaphorically, expect to see a poem or two about being in love with love. ;-)

Excuse Me for Being Overly Race Conscious!

2006-07-25T13:08:00.000-07:00

I love to run. I run on this asphalt path beside the main road in my neighborhood. Whenever I run, I may pass Hispanics, Blacks, whites, Asians; its a very diverse community. When you run on the path, most people run to the right side, just like how we drive on the right side of the road. Recently, I noticed how when I would meet some white people, they would be on the "wrong side." Normally, without thought, I would always move over to get out of the way. I would be all in the grass and sticks to let people pass, because Im just nice like that.

Then one day I thought, "Why am I moving over for these people? Why can't they move over for me?" Then I started thinking about my AFAM classes I took back in college. I thought about Fannie Lou Hamer who was beaten until she said "Yessir" to a white man. I thought about how Blacks used to have to get off the side walk and tip their hats whenever they met with a white person.

Ok, so yesterday I was out running. More like speed walking. Well, I came up on this white couple who were walking their dog . . . on the wrong side. Again, without thinking, I just moved right on over to the left side. And I thought to myself, "These people didn't even look as if they thought about moving over for me. They assumed I was supposed to move over." So I made a commitment to myself that if I saw another white person on the wrong side, I was not going to move over, just to see what happened. And sure enough, about 5 minutes later, I met a white woman walking her dog. I was walking too at this point. She didn't try to move over. I walked right up to her and her dog. I stopped. She stopped. She was not going to move over. I looked down at her dog because he was sniffing my legs, but I didn't move. Then she moved over and walked past. Her dog was still sniffing me (I bout kicked him, but it wasn't his fault); so she literally jerked his leash to pull him up to where she was.

I kept walking with a sly grin on my face.

Rev. DMX?

2006-07-23T19:27:00.000-07:00

Rapper DMX is crazy. Take for example this YouTube clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AtFOjUHcA4Y . But there is something about DMX that makes me think he is special. He has this new reality show on BET called, DMX: Soul of a Man, in which cameras follow him around, giving us insight to who he really is. On his show, and in the previous clip, he talks about how his true calling is to be a preacher.

I knew DMX was different because he would always have a long prayer on his albums, amidst wild cursing and violent lyrics. Some people may look at him as bi-polar or schizophrenic but I think, that maybe, God is talking to him. He could be one of those people who are in constant internal battle with what God wants them to do and with what they want for themselves. There are a bunch of "normal" people struggle with this same issue. So, with all of this said, do you take DMX serious when he says that his true calling is to be a preacher? Would you want to hear DMX preach a sermon? What would he have to do to convince you that he has become a man of God?

"Dang you've been out in the Sun!!"

2006-07-21T19:59:00.000-07:00

Growing up, my mom, along with other black people I know, would make this comment after I've been out in the sun for while--meaning I had gotten darker. They would say it as if it was a bad thing to get darker. After hearing this, sometimes I would comment, "Well, I'll get lighter in the winter." Other times, I would rush off to the shower and try to scrub my skin so that the "darkness" would come off. Sadly, sometimes it worked.

Recently, my mom told me that she had told my 6 year old niece, Jaisen, that she was getting darker. Jaisen is fairly light skinned, but not light light (whatever that means, whatever that implies). She boldly responded to my mom with "Good, because I wanna look more like my momma." This comment did so much for me. Has society affected her in a different way so that she doesn't resent the color of her skin? Has having a Black Power, feminist aunt empowered her with a different voice? I was overwhelmed with joy when my mom told me this. I always tell my niece that she is beautiful and that her hair is beautiful. Maybe my work has not been in vain, and there is now one less black child growing up feeling self hate.

I love you Jai.

(By the way, Jaisen is the smartest, realest person I know.)

I Ain't Madd at Oprah

2006-07-21T19:50:00.000-07:00

I am a huge Oprah fan. Im also a huge fan of supporting black businesses, black entertainment, etc. When I heard about the "beef" between Oprah and HipHop, I didn't know what to think or who to side with. After a little more investigating, I have to say that I side with Oprah.

So this beef supposedly started, correct me if Im wrong, after Ludacris criticized Oprah for: first, not wanting to invite him on the show to promote Crash, second, attacking him about his and other artists' lyrics, and third, for editing out his comments while on her show. His interview with GQ magazine sparked more lashing out against Oprah for not having HipHop artists on her show.

Well, Luda, what can I say? You should know Oprah is a huge feminist. She has been pushing this movement for women, especially young girls, to respect theirselves and be empowered. Many of today's HipHop artists contribute to reducing the woman to a sex object and help to facilitate a rape culture that exists in America. It would be counterproductive to have such artists on her show. Plus, half of the HipHop artists aren't talking about nothing:"GOOD googly moogly, that thang is juicy" or "Shake that laffy taffy."

Also, just because you're black, it doesn't mean that Oprah has to have you on her show. She doesn't owe you anything. Yes, Im sure it would be nice for you and your bank account to go on Oprah. Get over it. Ice Cube even argued, after he was denied several appearances, "She's had damn rapists, child molesters and lying authors on her show" . This is true, however, those guests acknowledged the error in their ways and were committed to changing.

Oprah has supported several HipHop artists such as Eve, Mary J., Kanye, Jaime Foxx, etc. To Luda and every other mad HipHop artist, stop talking about f**king, slapping a b**ch, smoking and dranking and write a song about something and maybe Oprah and her people will holla atcha.

Charter Schools Changing Education!?

2006-07-03T13:38:00.000-07:00

Recently, my husband and I visited San Diego, CA for an education workshop. It was our first time traveling to the West Coast, and we had to constantly remind ourselves that we were not on vacation. The workshop was apart of High Tech High's Summer Institute 2006.

High Tech High is a charter school, created in 2000 by several businessmen and educators who were dissatisfied with the common problems plaguing today's school systems (i.e. the digital divide, the achievement gap, the lack of engagement, etc). Unlike traditional schools, HTH is a project based learning environment, in which students create projects to demonstrate what they have learned rather than take standardized tests. The projects provide independent, hands-on learning experiences for the students.

The classrooms are surrounded by glass on all sides in order to create an open atmosphere. I asked one of the school's architects if the students are easily distracted by students walking in the hallway or by the freedom of seeing into another teacher's room. He replied that the students are not distracted and he attributed their focus to the school culture he and his colleagues worked hard to create.

Since 2000, 6 more HTH charter schools have opened in or around the San Diego area. The schools, ranging from kindergarten to 12th grade, educate roughly 2, 500 students. HTH has experienced great success since its initiation. One hundred percent of the students attend college and 80% attend 4-year institutions. Many school systems across America are looking to open their own "High Tech High" in the near future.

The success of the schools is centered on three principles: personalization, adult world connection, and common intellectual mission. These principles "[respond] directly to the needs of students, all three principles connect to the broad mission of preparation for the adult world. Moreover, all three call for structures and practices that schools do not now routinely employ" (http://www.hightechhigh.org/about/design-principles.php).

After a short 3 day visit, I can hardly serve as the voice of HTH schools. Visit http://www.hightechhigh.org to find out more.